I wanted to get parenting right. In my mind, you couldn’t afford to make mistakes as a parent. I’ve always tried my best but some days I still felt like that wasn’t good enough. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I still felt like I was failing at being a mum. So, I let parenting consume me. I had lost ‘me’ and who I was and just became ‘mum’. Even when Kory had gone to bed, I couldn’t switch off. I was still parenting. It seemed I couldn’t stop, My needs and myself didn’t seem to matter to me anymore. But this couldn’t last forever. My partner noticed a change in me first, I was pushing myself to breaking point and I didn’t even realise it. Then one day, I felt myself losing it. I could no longer be patient, not just with Kory but with anything, any small changes or tasks just threw me off and I would end up having a meltdown at the slightest little thing. I am a parent but i’m still me, couldn’t I find balance and be both? I found becoming a parent such an overwhelming ordeal, especially with everything that happened with Kory after he was born, but with self help and help from my partner, I slowly started introducing the things I enjoy and loved back into my life, I started reading again, I took ‘me breaks’, me and my partner started to spend more time together again. I realised that in order to be the best parent I could be, I had to look after myself too. I will always strive to be the best mum that I can be but I won’t let it cost me myself and who I am again.
I like being me.